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18th May 2004

11:37pm: Ode to Little Moth
a moth is attarcted to the warm glow of my monitor. It keeps banging and trying to get inside, but alas it fails. Yet it tries and tries. Little moth why won't you learn. Little moth does you head not hurt. I admire you persistance little moth. Your resolve and passion are unyielding. Sadly you lack a few things. Little moth you are small and minute. Your intellect is smaller then a kidney stone. So now little moth now u have worn you welcome and i tire of watching you. You little moth distract me from counter strike. Now little moth you go spalt. for you are far inferior to me. Bye little moth bye
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Radiohead - OK Computer

4th May 2004

8:15pm: anyone have a monkey outfit they wanna let me borrow for one day?
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: oingo boingo - little girls

10th March 2004

9:37pm: satanic
The weather outside is amazing. Its such a great temperature. Does anyone wanna go out for a walk now? Im quite serious if anyone does feel free to call me.

I was at the gym and Hey Ya came ona nd these two soul sisters started grooving.

god damn i wish i had an afro.

my mom went to Costco yesterday. WITHOUT ME. but she did get a giant block of chedder cheese so i was pleased at that. Oh man is it tasty. Let me run you through my meals for the day

Breakfest: Bread with melted cheese.
After School snack: chicken nuggets with cheese on them
Snack Snack: Straight cheese
Dinner: veggie burger with melted cheese
Side: Cheese
Dessert: Cheese

If i was lactose intollerant id kill myself

Current Status: Keeping that funk alive
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: George Clinton

7th March 2004

5:44pm: du du du
i got drunk and bonded this weekend
Current Mood: full
Current Music: Joy Division - She's lost Control

6th March 2004

3:17am: Short notice
so this may be short notice but tomorow I am having a hookah get together Saturday, thr Sixth, TODAY, my house at 1 o clock. if u need directions give me a call. be there or be square
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Led Zeppelin - Kashmire

4th March 2004

8:53pm: Ugh
I feel confused. distressed. my life is boreing and relitivly stressfree so i make stupid things to worry about. and then i worry about them. and i think about them. and i anguish over them. if i had real problems these problems would like trivial (thanks Eva ;) kuntastic.

i wish i could have seen Queen live.
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: REM - end of the world

29th February 2004

4:07pm: baby
you're so vicious. u hit with a flower. im full of guitar picks. u do it every hour.

i've been in a very weird mood for the past week. the best way to desribe it is as warm. im in a warm mood. its nice. sitting on a park bench. ohhhhh aqualung.

i think the most enjoyable time this weekend was yelling at jasper.

fuckin cubans know how to make a nice cigar. ramlbe on babe.

and it went uuh caress me down

a hobo told me to kep my eyes open

fuckin germans know how to makea nice board game

nigger please. well i got a 100 pages of Sound and Fury to read. bustin caps in the hood.
Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: gipsy kings

26th February 2004

11:20pm: scoff this
jesus im tired. toda i was reading int he library and then i fell asleep and didnt wake up for an hour and a half when the bell rang and woke me. fucking librarians probably would have kicked me out if they saw. Nukka's.

Ari made a feast tonoght and we ate at my house. MM mm good. you know how the song goes, put a nigger behind the trigger.

im sleepy. i need a job i have to feed the monkey.

i got a call from CU Boulder today. it really made me wanna go there. the idea of Rosie O Donald being married kinda disgusts me but i guess u gotta take the bad with the good. if this helps people be more understanding then so be it. i just wish some lip stick lesbians would get married.

i hear today someone died from watching the Passion of christ. thats what mel gibbson gets for trying to play god, he commits inderect man slaughter. durring the nailing scene too.

you like a fucing banana, orange on the outside and white on the side.
what would i be?

china.. the land of the asians. billions of them i tell u. theyre everywhere. like cantalope.
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: red hot chili peppers - by the way

23rd February 2004

4:38pm: dum de dum
its been a really great weekend. we had a large LAN party which i havnt done in years. hooked up a few xboxs and a couple TVs and got some good ol fashion Halo going. next followed the settlers. some magic the gathering. then a talk about funny ways for a DM to kill off anoying characters in D&D. o yeah. it was intense.

i once again got to tape ari half naked in my shower. its beautiful. so i finish taping and hes sitting in my room drying off and my mom comes home
the procedeing was all said in farsi so ari did nto understand

mom: why is the shower wet
rambod: i had to tape something with ari
m : why is ari wet
r: he was in the shower
m: again??
r: (laughing) yes
m: let me getthis straight u got ari to get almost naked again and go in our shower again on tape
r: (laughing histaricly) yes
m: (laughing her assoff)
ari: (head down in shame)

currently its raining witht he sun out. i love it so much when this happens. ti doesnt happen very often so when it does its quite nice. i feel like running naked through a medow.
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: cake - prolong the magic

18th February 2004

8:37pm: ...if you only knew...
Today I under went an ordeal. I completed many goals. I got waxed. Dear god that was painful. I have a Persian jungle and it hurt. I had so much hair she had to charge me double. At one point she couldn’t rip the thing off and it took two tries. I was red and pained afterwards. Then I played a show in a sock. Today I can die happy. Id like to thank all the people that made this possible: Marissa, the gentle Persian waxer who had never given a male wax before. Sadly the valley remains though. If u would like to see the good stuff click below. Tootle-lu

CAUTION-CAUTION-CAUTION—XXX—DO NOT VIEW IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE HOTNESS! )
Current Mood: marissa
Current Music: don ho

17th February 2004

4:27pm: recap time
el recapo

friday
ihop, not ebough time, hookah party, nacho, benitos

saturday
valintines day, intresting, snooped inside the guy who directs the TV show Monk house, nice house, drove by a accedent scene on the way back on sunset, 30 seconds after it happened

sunday
went to mexico, viva le mehico, not much different from downtown la, lots ots of spanish lots of mexicans, played settlers and halo

monday
chased someone around westwood with my piece exposed, went into my trunk

today
found out that accedent had someone thats in my yearbook class who is now in a coma

thats like the cliff notes versian of the past events.

beverly hillbilies is on. th emovie. they show my school alot.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Led Zeppelin III

11th February 2004

9:33pm: call an exorcist
oh dear god i think ym borther is gay. today he joined the boy scouts. im disgusted. tomorow im bringing over a bunch of friends and were goona hommie sock the fuck out of him. your wlcome to join. hes gonna do what my dad shoulda done years ago. im not homophobic but when its starts to infect my own kin. its time for a fixin. beer. hookers. pussy. silient bob. i mean i dont have anyting against that life style. shit i have my list of guys id fuck. and lets not forget i was boyfriends with jasper on the weekends. or was it weekends. hey dont look at me that way. im not gay. dont fucking chnage the subject. this is about queerbod not me. shit both our names end in bod. uh oh. STOP FUCKING LOOKING AT ME. MOMMY NO THE FIRE TRCK RAN OUT OF WATER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: nirvana - in utero
1:13am: /^^\
as a wise man once had scribbed on their arm "Azn 4 LyFe" - balanced formula for asiapheron the most asian element of them all.

i thought of a new fox reality show. ok o u take this guy. average guy. and u take a girl. Shes an acotr hired by fox. now u look up everything about this guy. Likes dislikes the works. CIA, NSA, FBI have all of them do a profile. News Corp has a lot of money to throw around. Then u mold this woman after her. and u have this guy fall in love with her. tell him its just another run of the mill show. but u make it so she doesnt do anything sexual with him until he is really deeply in love with her. Then on the last epsiode when things are about to get saucy he takes of her clothes and sees that shes a shemale, heshe, chick with a dick.

now thats great fucking TV
oh rambod. i kill myself. HA!

on other notes valintines day is coming up. every year valintines day has been very sad and depressing. will this year be different? will rambod not pop vitiman V and listen to death metal in his room? only time will tll. so tune in. kunt.

mad props (i like saying that) to anyone who can guess the game that i stole part of my tv show idea from. ill give you a hint. its the part about creating a woman based on a profile.

its 1:22 AM do u know where ur kids are?

i hate complications. they fuck up good shit. things sail so smoothly then a snag is hit upon. not evena large snag. just a snag. a complications of sorts. and things just dont ever really go back to once before.

about to finish As i Lay dying. good book. havnt read a bad book yet this year. gotta love Baum.

ive been hearin that for some reason when people meet methey think i dislike them. so far ive ehard that 5 people pretty recently after having hung out with me came away with the impressiont hat i had a distaste for them when in fact i quote enjoyed their company. do i act mean to people? odd aint it. i have to say theres only a couple people in this world i truely hate and despise and a handful of people i dislike. im not a bad man.
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: 70s porn music

9th February 2004

7:55pm: mhmm
i had such a serine and quant weekend it was nice. friday night i went to Karl's hizhouse hwere there were three hookahs setup. onceof which was 5 feet tall. i learned how to blow smoke rings although im not very good. then saturday was my hookah party which was a succes. after that i got to put 3 people in my trunk. ive always wanted to have people in my trunk. first i had 2 poeple in it then i had one person. went over speed bumps.heh. for some reason theres a speaker in my trunk so i capatilized on it and turned the bass all the way up. bo bitchn camry styleee. shit theres a really freaky quiznos subs comercial on right now. wtf is that thing. its like a dancing fanged gremlin but the scarry kindnot the cute kind like gizmo

yeah so then after having people int he trunk i saw a fellini film called 8 1/2. it was really good. it was about anything and it admitd it but it had some deep meaning. maybe if i had the attention span to read subtitles for 2 and a half hour si would ahvbe gotten it. but i saw it and it was filled with amazing cinematography and some beautiful black and white lighting. not to mention hot italians.

ywah so the next day i had a picnic whee i fell asleep for most of it. then a bbq at a psudo pornographers son. then on to westwood where there were dee dee reese ice cream sandwichs. mm mm good. erotic. then pretty much today ifinaly got my fucking video card. aye. tried it out and it worked swimingly. then ate at panda express and now im at home writing this. i got a bunch to read for english. other then that its like i just wrote.

OMFG theres another commercial on now for a show called the little groom wtf. reality shows have gotten so fucking bizare. we need more midget based shows
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: video card purring

5th February 2004

10:26pm: EVERYONE
Im inviting everyone who reads this to my house on Saturday at noon. if ur reading this ur invvited. Hookah party. the last one was fantabulas around 10 or 12 people but this time i wanna reach my legal capacity limit. 443 S Oakhurst dr 101 beverly hills ca 90212.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: talking heads- fear of music

4th February 2004

11:05pm: dum de dum
i still say it was a great weekend. it had a nice come down with diva's birthday.

ive been pretty sick but ysterday was the climax so to speak. coughing, temp of 102 aches tha shite. today i had no temp. i was able to talk my mom into not making me go tot the doctor. i hate the doctor. just rested a bunch and now my mutant healing power has kicked in. school has been pretty much meh. got the highest grade in my history class a 107%. got an A in broadcast and a B in english. very pleased. finished the fafsa.

dont think there is anything else.
i bid you adu
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Iggy Pop - dirt

31st January 2004

6:49am: Top 5
As far was weekends go i think this is probably the best one or one of the best ones ive had in my entire high school carrer. its been fucking profound.

ok man heres a synopisis
the good mood tsarted after 6 period final on thursday when i scored the fucking highest on the final in all three of harveys history classes. that really fucking kicked ass. then after my last final it was time. second semeser senior mother fucker. like already on a high from the test i was just feeling dandy. mo fuckin dandy. ok so then after that i went out and had like the greatist time. me and like the greatist fucking person just hung out for hours. with no one else. no distractions. no outside world. no one itwas great. for like 5 hours with a moment of uncomfortable scielence or uneasyness. it was such a great feeling. then after that i hung out with ari for a ittle. around 11 i geta cal telling me i have to dress up in a suit to go to marissas. im a little reluctant but then i decide to do it and it gotota get a tie for ari. me and ari have to make a quick stop before heading to marissas though. we plan on staying out or detour for ten mins but end up staying fo ran hour and the half. it was great. like it was just a small group but everyone was like the kind of person that is just great to be around. after that we head to marrisas.

ok this si fuckign amazing. we get there and see two parties have merged. asimulated. this rich guy next door is having a party for rich hollyood 30 year old mougals. like i saw amazing shit. this guy had a fucking wood burning oven built into his house. thats amazing. and he had hired 4 itlains to come and cook for his party. like the pizza they made is hands down the greatist pizza i have ever had. i have never had better pizza ever and i lived in italy for 9 months. it was fucking amazing. after the pizza i hang out with two of th emost intresting people: waldo and morgan. waldo is a crazy dancingmother fucking machine. and morgan is what i always wante dto be butwas to much of a pussy to be. he has this great idea of spiking beer with hard alchohol. that shite workds well. he was pot that is completly white with crystals. i havenever seen sucha thing. this man is a conisour. so then people start to lave and i end up sleeping at marissas at like 4 or 5. wake up at 7 by my mom calling and Asian needing a ride home. give her a ride home then go home myself. i get home and im tired but i decode to watch a movie.

after watchign th emovie i sleep from like 10-12. wake up at 12 cause Vlad is sposed to come over with his hookah at 1 30. i invite a couiple good friends over. like i call ari and jasper and jacob to come over. then i ecide i want a lot of people over.like marissa and diva invite em to there stuf all the time and i think they should be ont he recieving end somtime too. so i invite marissa not thinking diva would want to come ll this way for something so small. then i invite gerald and anna. then diva fucking shows up which is kick ass. so i got like 10 people at my house. ten awsome insanly nice people. we smoke hookah from like 1 30 till 7. this wa sonly spose dto be acouple people for like an hour turned into a mini party for like 10 people. it was really great. i starrted carrying around a camera again and i fille dit with pics. i was so excited. good music. good hookah. good tea. good friends.

shit so that went till like 7. then i leave my house go eat at taco bell till clerks time. then me ari jacob marissa diva all go to clerks. get there an hour early and we hear the fucking movie sold out the day before. then this creepy french speed freak guy comes, really nice thoug, comes up and says he knows the manager and we should stick around cause they usualy got ticets left a while after. marissa and diva try to neak in and they do. then the rest of us plus michelle and michael but tickets. as we buy tickets they get kicked out. so we get into clerks. fucking amazing and diva and marissa get ticks to after we try tto sneak them in throught the back door. but anyway we amazingly get in and all get seats together. me and marissa and jacob go tto smoke. but we forget his bong. we havr o go tot 7-11 to get zig zags. then when we try to roll and joint it somehow explodes on me catching my fucking face on fire. very painful. i could have easly opened my mouth and let the joint dropa nd not been burned. but that would be wasting weed.i jst let it burn me as i tried ot get a hit. got buzzed not totally high but whatever. see the greatist fucking movie. i always ranked mallrats over clerks but now i ike clerks a lot more. fater that kevin smith talk for 3 hours. smartist wittyiest guy ever.

after that we all decide to go to norms till 6 in the morning. then back to marissas a little now im home. i havnt slept mucha at all but i dont feel tired i feel great. ive seena ll the people that really matter to me. im so happy. i even et people i didnt know but who turned out to be so nice like mihal.

this weekend has been amazing and its only satuday. im so happy. like this is the kinda shit u look back on and are like shit i had a great fucking time in high school.
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: beatles - white album

27th January 2004

11:00pm: outragious
finally finished my LMU essay. now i just gotta send that mofo ina nd its jesus-riffic.

today was a nice easy day. got to wake up at 9. went to PE. lifted weights. Went to The Grove and had a "heated discussion."

i had my most emmbarising moment today in alng time. it was actualy pretty cool. people ask me what my most embarising moment is and i never really know. now i can tell them about this. its like a badge of honor. to have a red face and ur stomach in ur ass.

finally got aroudn to fixing up my cds.

I'm pretty sure i dont have any really close friends anymore. we've all kinda seemed to have gone our paths. I have people i hang out with everyday and see everydy but its not the same anymore. thats ok though cause it ws gonna happen in 4 months anyway. i mean i guess i still have really close friends that i can turn to for help and shit but i dontthink i have the bond that was there say 4 months ago. i kinda feel like an adult now.

i gotta say ive had a very accomplshing day.is that a word?
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Sublime

26th January 2004

5:15pm: mhmm
i was driving by a tree today that i see pretty much everyday. its a nice big tree with pretty branches and leaves. so i was passing by it and isee some road works working on it. cuting of some branches. then i pass by it again like an hour later and all the branches are gone. it looked like a big stic in the ground. a big tall girthy stick. imagine a person with no head no arms and instead of two legs just one big middle leg. then i passed by again an hour later. the tree was gone. it was just a stump with an orange cone.

today a judge ruled part of the patriot act unnconstitutional. thats good. maybe itll go to the supreme court and we can finaly have some restitution now that its been a while since 9/11 and people can finaly calm down. well people arent actualy calming down thanks to our administration. u know with all those fucking candy coated terror alerts and duct tape messeges. kunts.

joy division is nice. id like to have seen them live.
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Joy Division

24th January 2004

9:59pm: anyone?
does anyone wanna go see the subhumans atthe roxy on feb 28? its only $10 so no big loss. I like the band and i havnt gone to a show thingy in a hwil so i wanna go. if u wanna go call or AIM or post me. i already got a few people on board but i want a lot of people to go. cooome. i wanna buy tickets really soon so hurry up
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Iggy Pop

23rd January 2004

10:46pm: Aye
I just had a great fucking day/night and it isnt like even over. I just spent the day with like fucking fuck i dunno. i just had a greta fucking time. and now tonight at the fucking Nuart its Taxi mother fucking Driver. jesus among films. homoerectus. if ur reading this and its stll friday night come to the nuart u wont regret it. jesus among films. JESUS
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: James Brown

22nd January 2004

8:53pm: zi gernans Tommy
Just as things started to look up for my dad he got german rained upon him.
Hes able to walk around now and do normal stuff but today he got two letters. One saying he has jurry duty and another saying since he crashed my car last year without insurance his license is being suspended. He can apply for a restricted license which is pretty much the same shit but its a hssle to go to the DMV. i keep telling him tot take his Vicoden but he refuses. He needs to relax. But u know if hes not gonna take them i gladly will.

I wanna write a sci fi novel. but not like the star wars kind. just entertain me as i bable. i wanna write one like clarke or vonnogut. u know the kind that have some philosphy involed too not jut furry midgets running around hitting wookies. see this si what i got in mind. human mental evolution is so slow because at birth we all have to start over. well see. now we have this great thong known as the internet and computer chiips and servers and mass data storage. ok well herss the thing. if we can upgrade the human mind with the help of cumputer chips we can have kids have the knowldge of eons instantaiously when they are born. like hook them up to a menta; internet type thing and download it into there minda, i mean look how fast things are getting along now that we have so much information at our finger tops. 15 years ago if i wanted to know weather or not Estonia wantd to globalize id have to go to t a library and research. now i type estonia in google. if we can harness that power and have likenerons in our minds work the with electrons in our computers would could advance rapdily. now of course int his novel id have to show how this technology goes array and eventualy leads tot he end of mand kind, but that cant be too hard to come up with. i just wisn i had some writing talent. this is like a combination of Gatica and 2001 (novel not movie). I mean biological engenearing can only lead so far cause u can make everyone as smart as Stephen Hawking but u still have that 20 or so years till they mature and are able to be useful to advancement. If u ever saw that disney movie where the kid gets shocked by lightening and learns a bunch of shit cause he was touching a comp its kinda like that.

I actualy am intrested in politics so i took this test
http://www.selectsmart.com/president/
i was alittle suprised by the results. i thought i agreen with Kerry's views the most but i guess i'm more of a Kucinich fellow.
either way im cool with an anybody but Bush campaign.

writting in lj is so theraputic. weather or not anyone reads this is unimportant. just getting this hit out of ur mind and onto anothe rmedium is neccisary. u think and u think and it just clogs your mind. this helps clear it.

i had an intresting talk today. it went a little liek this. theres usualy two types of people u know. theres the kind u know who are nice people. u have no real problems with there personalities but u know if u did u could tell them and they would listen. then theres the other. the kin dof people who do have flaws and u wanna tell them cause they are still good people but u know if u try to there just gonna get angry at u and throw a hissy fit. it sucks that it turns out this way.*Edit dont fucking ask me what kind of person i think you are

this is all i gots to says right now folks so thats all for now till the next time we meet. same bat time same bat livejournal. Hi O!
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: red hot chili peppers

19th January 2004

8:31pm: lighten the mood
i thought i should put downa happy post after the last one. let me clarify a little i guess. it wasnt a bad party. it was actualy pretty fun. good bands and good food. nice poeple. my hats off to diva for being able to pull that off. its been a great 3 days off. i saw many things. experienced many experiences. danced till i couldnt dance no more
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: nirvana

18th January 2004

12:31pm: jesus
i dont even know what to say about the party. it was great but at the same time so depressing. before the party i hung out with ari

just me him and marry jane in the car for an hour. talking. it was so much fun. probably the best part of the party. Then i went to the party. so many people i didnt know. it kinda felt like a season finale of a tv show. cause ud see the regualrs, my friends, then ud see like the extras that u may have seen at in one episode but now there all back again for one last time. i saw my close friends diva, cassie, gerlad, jasper, ari, but ti was so sad cause we had all sorta drifted. and we had out own little cliques. like cassie and her friend lauren were off by themselves drinking and some shit. then there was anothr clique with poeple like anna and morgan, and waldo and those people i didnt know. diva went off in her own group with marissa and khira and leo???? and some others. and i kept getting these flashes of nostalga time to time of te last time we were at diva's and how we all knew each other and how we were all good tight friends. now we have a drunk cassie onthe ocuch telling us about a road trip thats 99% never gonna happen.
this kinda summerizes it
SecretRagingCow: it was a depressing party
SecretRagingCow: well probably not for you
SecretRagingCow: but all m yold friends were there
SecretRagingCow: it it was sad seeing how we all drifted apart
jesusvsgodzilla: which old friends?
SecretRagingCow: and cassie ws drunk
jesusvsgodzilla: not like from maryland?
SecretRagingCow: and going of on how were gonna hve a big road trip at the end of shcool
SecretRagingCow: no from bhhs
jesusvsgodzilla: ah ok
SecretRagingCow: and shes telling it ot me and gerald
SecretRagingCow: and we know its never gonna happen
jesusvsgodzilla: :-(
SecretRagingCow: and there were so many people i didnt know
SecretRagingCow: the very first tome we went to divas was for a dinne rparty
SecretRagingCow: me,gerald,tyler,cassie,dive,aly
SecretRagingCow: and i think juan
SecretRagingCow: and we were all really good friends
SecretRagingCow: like inseprable
SecretRagingCow: and now
SecretRagingCow: its just died
SecretRagingCow: and next year were gonna move away
SecretRagingCow: and im gonna forget all of them
jesusvsgodzilla: that's really depressing
SecretRagingCow: very

and i was pretty high but you really need alchohol at a time like that. and there was enough there. but u know what. i didnt fucking drink cause i had to fucking drive. and i kept that promise and wore it like a fucking badge. and for what? to get fucking slapped in the face.
after that it was a downward spiral to the green tinted monster absinthe. 70% alchohol does the job fast. you know when theres somethng u wanna say to someone but u cant talk to them cause every time u wanna say something to them ur throat tightens up so the only thingu can do is go and talk to someonee lse even thiugh u should be talking to the other person. is there a word for that?

i ended up waking up or i thnk i woke up i dunno if i fell alseep or not. well when i woke up i wasnt angry anymore. but ti wasnt a serne feling. it was a scared feeling. cause i wanted to be angry. but i couldnt. it was like ebing in a dressing room and having the door flung open when ur naked. there nothing u can do. itsall inthe hands of the people seeing u naked. you defenless. if they laugh at u u will be embarrsed. if they dont laugh and they admire u u feellike a king. but not being able to do anything aobt it is the worst. when u open urself up like that ur just as liable to get slammed as u are uhh whats the word risen up high i guess. u know what im trying to say. i spent the morning at jack int he box with the mexicans who get uo early to do the jobs americans dont want and the park with the beverly hills people that like to ttart the day early. each world was alien for its own reasons. then i talk to my friend who is apperantly equally is not more depresed about how everythingis retty meaningless. cause u might be remembered wheb u die
but those people remembering you will die. and then its like you never existed. so in the long run what the difference if u die today or u die when ur 70.

i sometimes wish i could believe ina high power just so i could say atletst when i die ill still have my memories. but i dont. the gretaist hope in life is the hope of their being an afterlife. and if u lose that hope then life itself seems pretty meaningless.

im a pretty contempt guy. i got eberything i want and need. i have people who care for me. a lot of people. i just wish that this chapter in my life wasnt closing just yet. they should give u like 2 years after high school before starting college. this may sound corny but people could spend that time discovering shit.cause ud still be a young but ud be old enough where uve pretty much matured as much as ur going to. i really blame all this on being a senior. cause if ur a junior or lower u always have hope that the next year of high school will be better. but when ur senior there is no next year. thisis th elast christmas with ur friends. last new years. last birthday.

if someone tried to explain this to me last year i woulda laughed andnot understood what they were trying to say.
Current Mood: deprssed, nastolgic, apathetic
Current Music: Joy Division

16th January 2004

12:48am: umts
I guess this is an impromtu entry but whatever its my journal there arent any rules.
i wanna write and this is the place to do it.

i feel nice. its warm and cozzy. i like this. you should be able to bottle it. well i guess this si equivilant to a bottle of vicoden.
im tired but i dont want to be. i wanna be on the phone. im not though. the more i hear this pavement cd the more i like it. the first time i heard t ay back when i really disliked it. now i really like some songs and some others are growing on me. there are stil songs i could pass on though. iw onder what kinda adult ill be. what kinda job ill have. who ill still know. i depend on my friends so much i wonder how ill manage later.

every early part of a decade has had its movement. i havt heard ours yet. early 60s were beatles. 70s were zeppelin. 80s were punks. 90s were grunge. what are we? there has been a really great band really recently. tyler played me a song from a band called the darkness i really liked. i only heard one song but from what i heard it was nifty. if i had talent i could be the next freddy mercury. thatd be so cool.
some guys just pull things off so well. bowie, mercury, morrison, brando. theres many more but i love them the most

Zi germans are coming tommy. zi germans. im tryin im tryin im tyrin.

me and a guy were in my car driving on wilshire BH area. hes rolling a joint right there and out of no where a motorcycle cop pulls up next to me. before he can look inside my car he looks to the right and a guy semi runs a red and he goes after him and doesnt look my way. my heart sank. after a couple secondsi started laughing my ass of with the guy. we woulda been fucked. male erotica. tread lightly my friend.
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: pavement - slantd and enchanted
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